Crouching Retard, Hidden Genius
by Lord Patience
Summary: Naruto can see the fear in their eyes, so he hides under a mask of incompetency. This story shows what is going through his mind as he uses his self control for the greater good.


Being a ninja had always come so easily to Naruto. It was in his blood. A warmth constantly inside him and a dull red pulse at the back of his mind, always scanning, calculating threats and patterns near him, and how best to react. His chakra obeyed his every whim, and on it, he always felt the gentle splash of others presence around him. He felt the potential in his muscles, he knew exactly what he was capable of, and he knew, he was good. He was simply, a prodigy.

But even as a child, Naruto had been perceptive, and there was something else about himself, supposed to be secret even to him, that seemed to bend a dark cloud around him after every step. At first he didn't understand the dark aura. Everywhere he went, cold eyes would stare at him. The quiet footsteps of Konohas most elite would hover around and people would pull their tense friends back as he walked by.

But then there was the warmth from others. The Sandaime Hokage was the man Naruto loved most in the world. A man who provided in turn the love that Naruto desperately wanted. It was addicting, being loved, and Naruto could see that the Hokage was a man who loved, and was loved like no other. It was only under the Sandaimes wing that their love for him would overcome Naruto's coldness.

Naruto knew this was the man he wanted to be, and thought long and hard about how he would do it.

* * *

><p><p>

The technique on the stolen scroll was easily mastered. It took only moments before he knew he could do it flawlessly. But Naruto had miscalculated. The test he was supposed to pass barely, he had failed completely. He had underestimated Mizuki's negative bias towards him, but he hoped this event could allow him promotion despite. He would have to make sure Iruka saw him defeating Mizuki. This would be difficult.

Iruka had always been a useful tool, and seeing the respect he generated, was one whom Naruto emulated. If Naruto was to be on the same team as the Uchiha, he too would need to get the lowest results in the class and so he played the role of clown.

Stupid was better he had decided. Safer. It would only be through hiding his abilities until later he could achieve his goal. If he had established himself as the prodigy he was, he would only ever be seen as that. A prodigy. He needed the respect that only comes from working hard to achieve your goals. If he were not the underdog, there was a possibility he would be assassinated as a potential threat, or even hidden in the Anbu for the rest of his life. No. Publicity was important, and a gradual rise to the top would secure his reputation as a fair, hard-working person, while allowing him to be always underestimated.

With natural seeming spikes of his chakra, he led Iruka to his location. It had taken Naruto years of skipping class to develop Iruka's tracking skills to this level, so he would be able to find him when Naruto needed an adult. It was an investment Naruto had not expected to pay off, but now he was glad he had made it.

Iruka dropped behind him lightly and spoke. Naruto acted surprised and bragged about his success as he felt Mizuki approaching. Naruto barely payed attention as Mizuki and Iruka spoke. Mizuki was overconfident, but not unjustifiably so. He had no way to know of Naruto's real power.

* * *

><p><p>

"Do you ever wonder why everyone hates you?"

Mizuki's voice cut through Naruto's attention like a chakra covered blade. Iruka's protests went unheeded. For the first time in his life, Mizuki would have Naruto's full attention.

"It's because, _you_ are the Demon Fox!"

Shock struck him. Years later, he reflected that this was the most vulnerable moment in his life. He could not move for thought as understanding of his life roared through him. Had Iruka not moved, Naruto, as proud of his own genius, would have perished from the windmill shuriken that stabbed into Iruka's back. He panicked and fled. There was no way he could be the Demon Fox. It did not figure into any of his calculations. As he ran, he almost left his dreams for dead. If it were true, there was no way he would ever be accepted as Hokage.

"Naruto, is not the Demon Fox!"

Saved again. Iruka was a man worthy of Naruto's love. Iruka had stood up for Naruto when no one else had. How could Naruto ever hate this man. Guilt filled him at his use of Iruka, and Naruto remembered why he was here today. He stepped towards Mizuki and made the signs of the technique he had learned today.

"Shadow Clone Technique!"

Copies of himself surrounded Mizuki and descended upon him. Iruka's vision was shielded by an orange wave, and for once Naruto barely held back in his assault. With the head injuries he was given, there was no way Mizuki could recall his brutality anyway, as he was tripped with a single deft kick.

As Naruto feigned panting, Iruka told him to close his eyes. Real tears filled them as he felt the headband on around his head. He had succeeded! He had salvaged the first step to Kagedom.

Passing Kakashi's exam had been easier than he had hoped. Kakashi expected him to fall for his obvious traps, and Naruto had, though it filled him with discomfort as he placed his foot in the rope trap. At that moment he could have easily taken the bell for himself. But he needed Sasuke.

He knew he could have taken the top rookie position, but then he'd have the liability of a weaker teammate. He'd planned his dream team from the beginning... Almost. Sakura was... Annoying. Naruto wished that Hinata had fulfilled her potential, but he could not approach her without being driven off. Instead, he was forced to remain her distant inspiration, but that wasn't enough. Her father had destroyed her confidence. Something that Naruto could not repair. You played the cards you were given, and that was a card outside his hand.

At least, Sakura had potential. Naruto couldn't see how he would expose it. Unless something dramatic occurred, it would be years before she became mature enough to be useful. In stark contrast, Sasuke would need to be held back. Thankfully, Sasuke was not a competitor. He neither had the personality nor desire to be a leader. When though, hopefully with Naruto's and Sakura's help, he slew his brother, he would become a man that Naruto could rely on. He'd shown that potential, as Naruto expected him to, by passing Kakashi's test.

The mission to Wave was a great opportunity to develop Sasuke's character, but fraught with danger. It was when Naruto took his first step establishing himself as a ninja. Had he not had enormous self control, he would have laughed at the two puddles on the ground. Instead, he heckled Sakura until they exploded from behind, killing Kakashi between the razor sharp links of a chain held between them. It was time again to paint a picture of himself.

_From weakness to strength,_ he thought as he intentionally froze. The two Mist nin came at him and he imagined himself throwing two shuriken towards each of their eyes. They would dodge the first, block the second, and die with surprised expressions as the third slammed each of them in the throats. He waited patiently, shaking with apparent fear as they ran towards him. Two kunai with wire between would tangle ones legs as Naruto leapt over the wildly swinging claw. A small explosive tag would gently be applied to the back of the nins neck. His brother, distracted by the sudden death, wouldn't react in time as Sasuke stuck his own kunai into the nins chest.

Naruto was patient, if anything. Instead, Naruto allowed the claw to scratch his hand, ready to throw himself back before Sasuke ingeniously saved him, pinning the chain between the two nin with an admirable kunai throw. The two nin regrouped and charged again, and Naruto feigned panic. Wind rushed passed from his left as Kakashi finally moved in to save them. The nin wanted the bridge builder after all.

Naruto thanked the gods for this opportunity to begin proving himself...

He could sense another two nin ahead. Both men, but much better trained than the last two. Something the larger of the two had his arm weighed down by something heavy. Probably a sword. Naruto went through a list in his head of nins it could be, but anyone with something so heavy was dangerous, and apparently well hidden too. He had a moment of internal fear as he imagined the whole team dying unawares.

_Sakura and the drunk were distracting Kakashi too much, he would have to interfere,_ he thought, as he began creating an elaborate cover for himself. His character made it too easy. Naruto complained loudly and threw a kunai into the bushes. If this hit, it would complete him.

Alas. The hidden nin swept away from his knife as soon as he threw it. He wouldn't be as lucky as he pretended today, but at least they weren't all going to die...

**A/N:**

**I've been sitting on this one for a while, I don't think I'll continue it, but I might if I get the urge. This is just a Sue-fic where Naruto feigns stupidity for the sake of his image. It'd just be a rewrite of cannon anyways, but I thought of this as a way to explain Naruto's seemingly amazing luck, and his complete lack of debilitating defeats. For a descendant of what was supposed to be the most powerful clan in the world, he certainly doesn't live up to his potential, but maybe secretly he was.**

**This is also my reaction to all the, "Naruto is actually a genius" fics, where he just meta-games and goes on training arcs until he can show how awesome he is by disdainfully playing with his opponents.**


End file.
